This is definitely the most brutal Tripadvisor review of all times.
Imagine being mugged in the street was even better than the service received at this Manchester pub, according to one clearly annoyed customer.
The man, whose name appears to be Martin, left the ruthless yet hilarious review for Woodhouse Gardens pub in Manchester, after visiting with his family.
It begins: ‘A few years ago I was walking down the street when three lads in balaclavas jumped me, slashed me a few times with a pocket knife and then finished it off by stealing a couple of hundred quid and kicking me in the head leaving me covered in blood.
‘I would hand on heart say that they were more polite than the staff in here.’
He then accuses the restaurant manager of being ‘so rude’ and ‘making a bad first impression straight away’ on his family.
As nobody had mentioned the specials I walked over to the board and read them out to everyone. When the starters came and the soup of the day was wrong we pointed it out and she said to me ‘the board doesn’t even say that’ when I pointed directly to the board that said she solved the problem by turning it round so you couldn’t see what it originally said then carried on blaming me. I wondered if we’d been there that long without food that I may have turned dyslexic because she didn’t even bat an eyelid as she accepted no blame.’
Throughout Martin’s experience being served by ’45 different people’, he swiftly came up with a reason why there were so many servers, and where one of them disappeared to after requesting a cocktail.
My theory is that he went to ask the manager if he could be flexible and she murdered him before shoving him in the cellar, I’m just waiting for missing posters to start popping up in the local area then I’ll tell my side of the story. All we wanted was a Daquiri.’
Then came the main meals which for 12 people as you can imagine would take a short while to make.
But when Martin asked if they could have two sausages on the roast instead of beef, they were apparently told that the restaurant was too busy.
All well and good, except they were the ‘only table in the restaurant’.
And then came dessert, which is when the ‘real drama’ began.
Martin explains how his sister has a nut allergy which causes her throat to swell up so naturally they’re always more cautious when ordering food.
But when they told the waitress that, here’s how the conversation went.
‘Sister: “Does that have nuts in it?” Young Server: “Nah it’s a brownie”.’
‘In hindsight I think the girl misheard and thought my sister said “Does that have fluff in it?” it’s the only answer I can think of.’
The hilarious review then ends with an unfortunate admission that though they had a ‘truly terrible experience’, they’ll probably have to go back ‘because the pub down the road is even worse.’